Monday, August 22, 2011

Teach Me

©2010-2011 ~Potapova

Before I left to visit my father, my good friend, Anne, shared with me that facing death is one of the most difficult things to do and that its impact on an individual is pretty much permanent.  Nevertheless, I still tried to prepare myself before stepping onto the plane, but let me tell you there wasn't anything I could have done to truly ready myself for what I faced this past week.

Death doesn't just touch you once and then it's gone.  It touches you in many different ways and almost always grabs ahold of you when you least expect it.  Its grip can be emotional and/or physical.  Every time I felt like I could breathe, that the "worst" was over, another blow came along and reminded all over again of what I was facing.  Sometimes, it was quite crippling and took a few hours to recover.

Since I've returned home, it's been said that I look different and how my appearance comes across gentle and beautiful in a new way.  At first, I was puzzled and then immediately remembered the words..."Death changes a person in ways you could never imagine."

I believe it has impacted me through my father in ways that I'll never forget.  However, will I allow it to haunt me or allow it to continue to teach me how fragile life is, to never take things for granted, big or small?

NOTE:  Please know, my father has not yet passed.  He is very, very ill and is dying.  This trip is the last time I know I'll see him.  Facing that and how death is consuming him has been extremely difficult.  Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers.
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10 comments

  1. I again am sorry for you loss sweet girl. Strength and time is what you need. Keep your chin up and know that he is looking down on you and sending you a smile. He is not in pain any longer. I know that is such a relief to you and those who loved him. Clinking my cup of java to yours and sending warm hugs your way.
    XO

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  2. I've been to few funerals in my life but I think when I do face one in the future it will have a really deep impact on me.

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  3. I always felt that when one we loves dies,, we hold a peice of them in our heart and their goodness shines through and if anyone says I have look of beauty and contentment I always think its my mum shining through,, I wish this for you

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  4. Sending the gentlest loving thoughts to you at this time in your life. Linda

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  5. Die is inevitable... you have to learn to accept it...
    respect love and life.... its fragile..

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  6. Death and grief are bigger than any of us. It affects everyone differently. I can promise this, things WILL get better... My moms best friend said that to me when she died. It does get better but everyone must endure the process which is tough.... Loss, anger, acceptance in that sequence. You are probably the most vulnerable you will ever be. Making you more beautiful than ever. Yes you will be changed forever... Thankfully there are some blessings!

    Sending you love and light for healing!
    Hugs Giggles

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  7. It makes you realize, most of all, that life is a gift, even the bad days, and there is beauty in all.
    Some people spend the whole of their days wandering and never seeing.
    But ultimately, our eyes are opened and then, as the harshness softens, we learn to see all the blessings large and small.
    Have thought of you often~~~am hoping that you have processed a bit of the past week. It take time; give it what it needs.
    Much love and many hugs~~

    Anne

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  8. Beautiful post. Thanks for sharing your experience so openly. Wishing you the best in this difficult time.

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  9. Continued prayers. A journey we all must accept and one day take ourselves, but never easy and always life changing!

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  10. Anne sounds like a good friend for you: wise words indeed. There is something very gentle and comforting - not to mention downright true - about this post.

    I don't think I can add much to the lovely comments above, but I would wish to echo them.

    x

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