Saying Goodbye...

Late afternoon is approaching and I'm now sitting alone and facing the fact of having said goodbye to my father just a few hours ago.  This week has been one incredible whirlwind of emotions; good and bad.  Although I tried to prepare myself in advance, it never touched the surface of what I faced over the last five days.

When I first walked into my father's room on Monday, I felt numb and not yet ready to face the reality of things.  But as the curtain was pulled and my father turned to look at me, every mental support structure within my mind began to crumble.  I walked up to my barely recognizable dad, gently put my arms around him and we both cried for what seemed like forever.

As the week rolled by, subtle things began to catch my attention reminding me of my father's condition.  Things such as jaundice skin that was ice cold to the touch, bones protruding all over from significant weight loss, eyes that were no longer a bright blue but grey and clouded over, and so on.

Sitting here in the airport from a delayed flight, my heart is completely heavy.  Let me tell you how many times I have now broken down here in my seat, running all the memories of this past week through my mind.

I will find myself curled up under a pile of blankets in my own bed tonight but it will never provide the comfort of such grief and loss found in my heart at this very moment.