Tuesday, May 15, 2012

My creative heart cries...



Most of you know that I lost my father just 7 months ago to a horrible battle of cancer.  Today is his birthday; he would've been an incredible young 64. I still feel this huge loss and grief as if it were just yesterday.  I miss him terribly and long to hear his voice.

It's been a struggle at times, wanting to celebrate things such as scholarship awards, my first art showing, etc.  Too often I pick up the phone to call him, forgetting for a brief moment, he's no longer here.  My head drops and tears begin to fall uncontrollably.
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Dear daddy,

My heart aches without you here by my side but oh so grateful that our relationship was made whole before you left this world.

Happy birthday, father!

Love,
"Your precious daughter"
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16 comments

  1. (So sorry for my english..) I feel you so much! I lost my father 15 years ago and still want to speak to him, call him , need his advise and friendship, presence.. It is too hard I know, but life is continue and we must have strength for our family and ourselves because we deserve the happiness and then you realize THAT YOU NEVER FORGET THE BEAUTIFUL MOMENTS WITH BELOVED PERSONS BECAUSE THERE ARE INSIDE YOU!

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  2. I know he's looking down smiling on you today and always, proud of who you've become. Hugs. xoxo

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  3. Happy Birthday to your father! i understand how we often briefly forget that our loved one isn't there(happened with me when i was younger, my grandma died at 56 of cancer).hope you feel better...

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  4. my heart goes out to you, hard times for sure, the hurt will never go away but it gets a little softer around the edges, take care,

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  5. The pain of losing someone we love can be unbearable. I believe he is smiling down upon you today his birthday. Hugs to you on this difficult day.

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  6. My prayers and thoughts are with you today. Ask your dad for a sign from the universe! He's right there with you!
    Much love,
    Nat

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  7. I feel for you. Almost twenty six years later I still want to talk to him. The pain will ease although life will never be the same again. Cherish the memories. The morning will come when you wake up and he's not the first thing on your mind. The healing will have then begun. Keep strong.

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  8. Awwww, your pain is so evident and I am so sorry your heart is so heavy! I know you are surrounded by his memories so hold tightly to them...thinking of you this day!

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  9. so sorry, he's still there looking out for you Alexandra!

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  10. You have very great memories with your dad and that definitely is a great gift though you miss him.

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  11. Your love will surely negate time and distance between you two.

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  12. My friend, I know this is not easy on you, but you have to know, your father is still with you! He is sharing in all your special moments! He is smiling and giving you hugs ;o)

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  13. oh i know that this is a difficult time for you...hang on to the precious memories and know that your father is with you in spirit....xoxo
    sending hugs to oyu

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  14. I got chills reading this post. My heart goes out to you. all of these anniversaries and birthdays are so difficult especially in the beginning. I lost my father 4 years ago and my first husband 18 years ago. I remember in the beginning I used to pick up the phone to call my husband during work (we worked in the same place) and I had to stop myself realizing that he was no longer there. And when I got home I would stare out the window waiting for his car to pull up in front of the house. That eventually stopped but it is so hard when it happens. Its like your head knows they are gone but your heart doesn't want to accept it. The only thing I do know is that over time the pain will lessen and that their spirits are always around us. xoxo

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  15. My heart hurts for you my friend. Yesterday we lost my Auntie. She was just 65 - another one taken before her time. A short, sudden and mysterious illness with no time to say a proper goodbye. She was unconscious when I visited. We take our loved ones for granted so much and then suddenly they just aren't there anymore.

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