Photo: ©2011 ~CoffeeFTW
It's late here and my mind has been mulling many things over tonight. As I sit here wrapped up in a cozy scarf, snuzzling my my hot water bottle, my mind pages through the list of uncertainties in my life and my heart feels overwhelmed. Don't get me wrong. I do believe that life comes with some and we must embrace those the best we can but admittedly, it can be difficult at times. The fact is that everything seems uncertain right now and that scares me. A year has passed and it seems I'm not much further along than last year, when writing and feeling alone.
As Christmastime approaches, I'm not only reminded of the recent deep loss of my father but previous losses, all the while watching other things I hold dear slip through my fingers right in front of me, leaving a huge taste of uncertainty in my mouth. Too much can bring fear and loneliness to a level in one's life that can be quite frightful at times, sometimes struggling to keep one pushing through.
I've had far too much loss in my life but have learned to overcome such unfortunate things, turning them into good to not only allow myself to personally heal but ways that bless others in the process as well. It's just that I'm ready for some certainties where I don't have to worry about always changing bad into good, so to speak. My heart desires to be able to wake up each morning and know pretty much how the day will unfold. I desire the things any single, intelligent, talented and lovely girl would want in her life, but that's just not the place I'm currently at right now.
However, all of this definitely builds one necessary and solid thing for me that is SO needed to tackle such a journey. FAITH. Faith to continue to persevere regardless of what I see or don't see. Faith that gives me the strength to leap over a wall and tackle the battle(s) before me. Uh huh.
My turn IS coming and it will be far more beautiful than I could ever imagine.