Photo: ©2011 ~CoffeeFTW
It's late here and my mind has been mulling many things over tonight. As I sit here wrapped up in a cozy scarf, snuzzling my my hot water bottle, my mind pages through the list of uncertainties in my life and my heart feels overwhelmed. Don't get me wrong. I do believe that life comes with some and we must embrace those the best we can but admittedly, it can be difficult at times. The fact is that everything seems uncertain right now and that scares me. A year has passed and it seems I'm not much further along than last year, when writing and feeling alone.
As Christmastime approaches, I'm not only reminded of the recent deep loss of my father but previous losses, all the while watching other things I hold dear slip through my fingers right in front of me, leaving a huge taste of uncertainty in my mouth. Too much can bring fear and loneliness to a level in one's life that can be quite frightful at times, sometimes struggling to keep one pushing through.
I've had far too much loss in my life but have learned to overcome such unfortunate things, turning them into good to not only allow myself to personally heal but ways that bless others in the process as well. It's just that I'm ready for some certainties where I don't have to worry about always changing bad into good, so to speak. My heart desires to be able to wake up each morning and know pretty much how the day will unfold. I desire the things any single, intelligent, talented and lovely girl would want in her life, but that's just not the place I'm currently at right now.
However, all of this definitely builds one necessary and solid thing for me that is SO needed to tackle such a journey. FAITH. Faith to continue to persevere regardless of what I see or don't see. Faith that gives me the strength to leap over a wall and tackle the battle(s) before me. Uh huh.
My turn IS coming and it will be far more beautiful than I could ever imagine.
If you were a religous person one would say God never gives us more than we can handle, but when someone has said this to me it never helped.
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is this is your journey , and this rough patch will end.When in the midst of it it seems never ending and too much to bare but just as there are sad spots there will be happy ones, they're just around the corner.I'm sending you a big hug ((((()))))).
( I sound like a mom, because I am, with daughters your age probably), I think!
You hang in there sweetie! The old saying "It's always darkest right before dawn" is so right. Just keep visualizing how you want your life to look until it feels so fabulous when you dream about it that it doesn't matter if it's happened yet or not - and then POUF your dream becomes reality! :)
ReplyDeleteThis time of year can be a difficult time, Sophia, hang in there and never lose hope!
ReplyDeleteThis is why I think so highly of you, you've always inspired me with your strength to push on and not let life knock you down. Hope is ever-present.
ReplyDeleteThanks for always helping me keep my attitude in check.
@ everyone - thank you for your comments. I appreciate it. :)
ReplyDelete@ Laurie - I do also get what you're saying about it doesn't always help. I get that. I still choose to focus on my faith and all the good things that God has done in my life.
I can totally relate Sophia. I'll send you hugs and you send me some and that will brighten our day.
ReplyDeleteHUGS and more HUGS
There are just days and times, where nothing helps. No past accomplishments, no toolbox, no nada. Sometimes it is simply like that. Period. Thanks to your awareness and your resilience you will go through. Lets hug whilst we hang in there together....
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you can see that there are better things, great things ahead even though it's been a rough year. Hope you enjoy the holidays because you deserve some fun and relaxation.
ReplyDeleteMy friend, I am sorry you have been through so much and are still going through so much! What I can say is, look at the little things and take enjoyment out them! If it's a snowflake kissing your cheek, hearing a baby laugh, seeing an older couple cuddle ;o) And, never give up your dreams! Sometimes, we have to travel a long road, to get to a short distance ;o) My turn is coming too! Maybe we will celebrate together ;o)
ReplyDeleteWell said! Great the way you can articulate your thoughts....powerful! The photo expresses the loneliness and contemplation you are going through.
ReplyDeleteSending loving thoughts your way.