It's already been terribly difficult this holiday season. The thought of my father really being gone is taking its effect on me in deeper ways than I ever imagined. I'm discovering more and more just how much his loss in my life really is. What makes it even more difficult is the fact that I continue to feel like he's going to call me. Quite odd knowing that's not possible but I cannot even begin to tell you those feelings. Real. Very real.
The family tradition has always been to put up the tree on Thanksgiving Day, along with making the rest of the house festive. This year I failed to do so but had nothing to do with any lack of trying. By all means I did, but felt the loss and anger growing within so much that I tossed everything back in the boxes and walked out of my little cozy home to grieve.
A day or so passed and I found myself in front of the tree and boxes once again, only this time inviting my friend C to keep me company. Alas, we sipped my famous cocoa, chatted, decorated - let me tell you how beautiful my place looks, inside and out now. My daddy would have loved it. Even the newly lit Christmas house - ones he loved so much.
it takes time, it really does, I would like to say it will never hurt but my Dad is gone now 10 years and it still hurts, not the sharp take your breath away pain that comes in waves for no appartent reason but a deep ache that hits now and again.I think your doing wonderful and sharing this process with us all is such good therapy, I wish I had had this, your lighted house in lovely,
ReplyDeleteyour christmas house looks sweet.
ReplyDeletei am glad you have your friends to help you through this difficult time! i am sure your dad is smiling down from above at your beautiful home all decorated!!
hugs, from me!
Hi Sophia!!! I hope that you find the strength you need to enjoy the Holiday Season...I know your Dad is with you in spirit and wants you to feel comfort in that!!!
ReplyDeleteLove your Christmas house all lit up! Your dad is shining down on you right now I'm sure.
ReplyDeleteWhat Laurie says is so true. There are no words to help you, and as she says the pain changes to a deep aching that never goes away. But please know - there are people out there who do understand and feel for you. I am glad your friend came to help with the decorations. Take care of yourself. Sarah x
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for everything you are going through! It will take time, a lot of time. Remember, to smile as much as you can, breathe, cry, and start all over again ;o) The decorations look beautiful! Hugs ;o)
ReplyDeleteTime does heal and the memories of the good times will last forever in your heart! Always great to have good friends too!
ReplyDeleteI'm so pleased that you put all of your Christmas decorations up....your Dad would be proud of you and would want your home to look festive. Enjoy this wonderful time of year and think happy thoughts of your father. XXXX
ReplyDeleteSophia ~ you are experiencing your grief and loss over your Dad ~ Quite normal feelings, especially so close to the Holiday, those feelings are magnified ~ Sending you lots of healing energy, hugs and love to help you through the season ~ namaste, Carol (Share the Creative Journey)
ReplyDeleteLast year was the first time I decorated a big Christmas tree since my father died in '91. When my daughter was little I would put a small decorated live tree by her bedside.
ReplyDeleteSending love and light your way.